


Half-Blind Dating

by Rivran



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Assumed Relationship, Bisexual Peter Parker, Double Dating, Everyone Is Gay, First Kiss, Gay Harley Keener, Gay Panic, Lesbian Michelle Jones, Lesbian Shuri (Marvel), M/M, Michelle Jones is a Little Shit, Mutual Pining, Peter Parker is a Little Shit, canon? never heard of her, the timeline is called i do what i want
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-23
Updated: 2020-04-23
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:54:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23801158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rivran/pseuds/Rivran
Summary: Peter Parker is your normal, average, everyday kid with a totally normal life.Harley Keener is your everyday, normal, average kid with a life that is definitely not weird.Michelle Jones is three things. She is observant, and clever, and so damn tired of watching Peter and Harley pine for each other from opposite sides of the room.Ned Leeds just wants to enjoy the drama, man.Rated Teen for a bad language word and a thick layer of teenage idiocy.
Relationships: Harley Keener/Peter Parker, Michelle Jones/Shuri
Comments: 8
Kudos: 153





	Half-Blind Dating

_Cold metal. Door opens. Door closes. Cold metal. Footsteps, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, push button, doors open. Elevator’s empty, thank God. Doors close._

23 seconds from ground floor to fourth – Peter counted them. The counting soothed him, pulled a little more of the tension from his shoulders. By the time he reached his own apartment, he didn’t feel the need to compartmentalize his senses anymore. The plastic 5 on the door swung a little as he jiggled the keys in the lock. He added it to his ever-growing to-do list.

“Hey, Pete,” his aunt said, looking up from her book. “How was school?”

“Pretty good. Nothing too interesting, as usual,” he said casually. “Subway was pretty loud today. And I forgot my earbuds, so it was kind of stressful,” he apologized.

“Uh-huh.” May nodded at him. “I got a text earlier about something that I thought was pretty interesting. You wouldn’t know anything about that, would you?” A playful note slipped through her fake stern-parent voice.

Peter knew his face was going red. “Oh god.”

“Hey, relax, it’s nothing to be ashamed about. Ned told me about it, and if he’s fine with it, then I am too.”

“What?”

“I heard about you and MJ, you dork,” she laughed. “Good job, kiddo.”

“Oh, god, May. What did he tell you?”

“The way you’re talking makes me think I don’t know the full story,” she probed.

He put a hand over his eyes. “May, I have no idea what you are talking about,” he said too-carefully.

“Aww, so you didn’t ask her? You coward,” she teased.

“We’re just friends, you know,” he mumbled. “Ned’s full of shit and he knows it.”

“Swear jar!”

“Come on, you don’t get to swear jar me and tease me about a crush at the same time. My nonexistent crush,” he added quickly, “Because me and MJ are just friends. I told Ned and now I’m telling you.”

“Sure, you two are just friends, just like Spider-Man is Tony Stark’s sidekick.”

Peter gaped at her. “Low blow, man.”

“Okay, fine,” relented May. “But I’m not forgetting about this. You should spend some more time with your friends, though. When was the last time you went out and you weren’t wearing spandex?”

“Firstly, it’s not Spandex, it’s –”

“Yeah, I don’t need the tech spiel again, Pete.” May smiled at him. “You know what I mean. Go be a teen for once. You’ll regret not doing it when you’re older.”

“Aunt May. Please. I’ll quit correcting you about the suit if you stop giving me the ‘when I’m older’ speech, please?”

May laughed and ruffled his hair like he was still a little kid. “Deal. But do me a favor and go see your friends, alright? And please tell Ned to stop blowing up my phone with memes. I don’t understand what this means and I’m afraid to ask.” May showed him the photo. “I know it’s been a while since I read a Seuss book, but this orange guy is the nice one, right?”

Peter couldn’t stifle his laugh. “Love you, May. I’m gonna go work on my homework, and then I’ll text Ned.”

manofspiders: Hey man. Did you tell may me and mj are in love or smth??

Nedward: Nooooooo I would never. I didn’t say anything that wasnt true

manofspiders: Don’t start quoting Hamilton at me dude. I’m trying to be mad at you

Nedward: Yeah I didnt do that on purpose. Youre just a nerd.

ANyway I just told her you and mj were gonna go out cause I knew you weren’t gonna say shit to her abt it

manofspiders: Okay but we aren’t going out??? At all???????

Nedward: yeah about that

Peter put his phone down and stared a hole through his chemistry papers. Once he was sure he wasn’t going to go murder Ned, he looked back at their conversation.

Nedward: yeah about that

Nedward: So mj and I kind of have this bet, and if you don’t get a date in the next four days, I owe her fifty bucks

Nedward: I don’t have that kind of money dude. You have to back me up here

manofspiders: I hate you so much rn

manofspiders: Wait

manofspiders: You two have a bet???????? [angery]

Nedward: man you know my phone isn’t fancy enough to load your spidermojis. And yeah we have a bet and I need that 50 bucks so you gotta help me out here

manofspiders: FINE. Still hate u though

manofspiders: Do you win if I don’t contact the other person after and nothing comes out of the date at all?

Nedward: uhhhhhh I think so. Its not like I signed a contract in blood or anything

manofspiders: ok I have a plan. Give me a while, I still have to finish my homework

Peter closed the conversation.

* * *

Peter Parker, age sixteen, was a perfectly normal high school sophomore.

Peter Parker, age sixteen, was the youngest intern in the Stark Industries R&D department.

Peter Parker, age sixteen, had two dead parents, one dead uncle, and too many traumas seared into his mind.

You looked at Peter Parker, age sixteen, and you just knew what he was like.

Spider-Man, age unknown, had freedoms that Peter Parker could never have imagined. Spider-Man was cool. He was strong, and kind, and everybody wanted to be him. Especially Peter Parker.

If you asked Peter why he liked to have stressful conversations while on patrol, you wouldn’t get any of those answers. He would tell you it’s because he likes to multitask, or perhaps because he thinks better when he’s outside. Maybe he just likes taking his phone calls hands-free.

Peter Parker, age sixteen, was surprisingly good at denial.

Peter Parker always took his difficult calls as Spider-Man, because Spider-Man was fearless and Peter Parker was not.

* * *

Peter Parker did not spend that much time thinking about the machinations of his own mind, and instead spent that much time debating whether or not he could do a backflip off the Empire State Building and catch a penny on the way down.

“Hey, Parker?”

“Harley, hi!” Peter answered the call. “What’s up?”

“Quick question for you. Do you think you could toss a penny off the top of the Empire State Building and catch it on the way down?”

“Depends, I don’t know what my terminal velocity is, but I could probably figure it out.”

“Second question: can you do a backflip while doing the penny thing?”

“Oh hell yes, now we have to try!” Peter laughed. “Oh, hey, while I have you on the line, I have a question of my own. Should I kill Ned?”

“What’d he do now?”

“He and MJ have a running bet that I couldn’t get a date. If I don’t go out with somebody before Sunday, he owes MJ fifty bucks. And it’s somehow my fault if he loses,” Peter explained badly.

“No, yeah, you should definitely kill him,” Harley agreed. “Are you gonna do it?”

“What, kill him?”

“No, dumbass, the date thing. Who are you thinking of going out with? You know, like, 95% of New York City would date Spider-Man if you asked.”

“Yeah, uh, that’s cheating, I think.” Peter rubbed the back of his head. “I just don’t know, dude. This is so weird.”

“Wait. I have an idea.” Harley paused. “You should do a double date!” he said, like it was the instant solution to all of Peter’s problems.

“What do you mean?”

“By you should, I mean we should, as in you and me find a couple of cute girls and ask them to go out with us. It’s a win-win situation,” he said before Peter could argue. “You win Ned’s bet, I get to leave the house, two girls get a nice night and a fun memory. Literally no downsides here.”

“How the hell are you planning on getting here from Tennessee for a date?”

“Wow, that’s the thing you’re gonna argue with, after that whole speech? Okay, whatever. I’m gonna be in New York this weekend anyway. Tony wanted me to come hang out over spring break.”

“And you didn’t tell me before?” Peter feigned offense. “Okay, uh, what day?”

“Saturday. You’ll meet me at Stark Tower at 7:15, we leave to pick up the girls at 7:30, go have a nice dinner, then crash at Tony’s place and get shitfaced or something. I’ll deal with the planning, times, the car and whatnot. You just have to find us two girls willing to go out with your sorry ass.” Peter could hear the smirk through the phone.

“I’m gonna ignore some parts of that, but other than that, I like your plan.”

“Knew you would, darlin’. Listen, I gotta go. Talk to you on Friday?”

“Sure thing. Bye, Harley.”

“See ya.” 

Peter blinked. “How did that just happen?”

“Being honest, Peter, I don’t know,” replied Karen. “Would you like me to help you compose a message to Michelle Jones?”

“What? No! Why would I ask Michelle on a date that was her idea in the first place?”

Even the AI didn’t answer him.

“Okay, you’re right, I should have seen that coming,” Peter admitted. “Karen, will you text MJ and ask her what she’s doing Saturday evening? Make it sound like me, but like, a cool, not awkward version of me.”

“Those parameters are not within my computing power to comply with, Peter.”

“What? I – oh, you’re sassing me! Learning from FRIDAY, are we?” he laughed.

“I wouldn’t dream of it, Peter,” she said primly. “What would you like your message to include?”

PeterParker: Hey MJ! Are you busy this Saturday night? Harley is gonna be in town, and I was going to see if you wanted to come hang out, and maybe bring a friend? He’s convinced it’ll be a ‘double date’ but no pressure lol.

MichelleJones: Double date implies that you’re in a relationship with the person or people you’re going out with, Peter. Is that the case? With anyone involved?

PeterParker: Is that a no?

MichelleJones: You’re an idiot, Parker. What time are you picking us up?

* * *

The time passed strangely between that Wednesday and the Friday Harley arrived in New York. One moment he was bored out of his mind in biology, and the next he was in a plane. Like, a real, actual, flying plane. Knowing the science was one thing, but actually feeling it was another. Tony had tried to send him a jet, but Harley insisted on flying commercial.

He still let Tony pay for the plane ticket, though.

“Harley!” someone was yelling from across the concourse.

“Peter!” he said, once they’d met and hugged. “It’s been too long, man.”

“Tell me about it,” Peter said, trying to look annoyed. The grin on his face betrayed his real feelings. “Come on, Happy’s outside. You know how he hates waiting longer than he has to.”

Harley just smiled and let Peter drag him outside.

Apparently Peter had forgotten the whole date thing until Harley reminded him during a tinkering session. “So, you find us dates for the thing tomorrow?”

“The what?”

Harley just stared.

“Oh, fuck,” said Peter, dropping the microcontroller he’d been working with.

“Dude, you didn’t forget. You did not.”

“No, I didn’t, I swear! I just, uh. I remembered that I never asked MJ who she was bringing with her.”

“So you have no idea if we’ll even have four? I can’t believe you, man,” said Harley, shaking his head in mock outrage. “I already made reservations and everything.”

“No, I trust that she has a friend to bring. I just don’t know, uh, who it is. You made reservations? Where?”

“It’s a surprise, darlin’. That’s the point,” he teased. “I’m the only one that needs to know, since I’m driving us there and all.”

“At least tell me what kind of place it is. I don’t want to be dressed wrong, yknow?” Peter stared at him with an attempt at puppy-dog eyes. It didn’t work.

Harley rolled his eyes and turned back to his own project. “It’ll be fine,” he reassured the other.

* * *

Peter showed up at Harley’s door in the Tower at precisely 7:43 pm. Harley glanced him over as he waved him inside. "You don't clean up half bad, Parker," he drawled. _You look nice_ , he did not say. 

"You too," Peter replied, not even looking. His shoulders were scrunched together and the faintest hint of a scowl was brewing on his brow. 

"Damn, dude, subway too loud for you or something? You're not gonna get murdered or nothing," Harley said, softening his voice. 

Peter took a breath and forced his shoulders down. "No, yeah, you're right. I just -" he sighed. "I'm afraid I'm gonna do something weird, and MJ will hate me, and her mystery friend will hate me, and you'll think I'm a psychopath or something. I don't know, man." 

"Hey," Harley looked at Peter until they made eye contact. "Nothing bad will happen tonight, I promise. You're literally a superhero, we both have Iron Man on speed-dial, and I'm pretty sure MJ could take down, like, all of the Avengers if she wanted." Peter laughed, letting more of the tension drain from his face. "Now we're gonna go out there and have a good time. Come on, Tony said we can take the 'vette," he said, grinning. 

"Did he really?" asked Peter. 

"Well, he handed me a card and said 'here's 500 bucks, go pretend to be me for a night but without the booze and drugs and women, cause you're like twelve'. So it's either take his car or take a suit and we both know what that answer is." Harley laid a hand on Peter's shoulder without thinking about it. _That was a mistake, you know you hate touching people, you idiot!_

"Okay, I can't argue with that logic," Peter said as the elevator opened. 

"You can't, because I'm right," Harley agreed. They stepped out into the massive garage. "I'm gonna need MJ's address, by the way. Don't tell me you didn't ask her either?" 

Peter laughed. "I'll send it to the car."

Harley spent the short drive appreciating Peter's casual manner and apparent lack of nerves. Given how bad he'd been when he first arrived, Harley was proud of how easily he'd managed to calm the guy down. _Hopefully that doesn't all go to shit when we figure out who our mystery guest is_. 

His hope lasted all of twenty seconds once they arrived at MJ's house. Peter went up to knock on the door, leaving Harley to watch the car. As much as Harley trash talked the man, he was pretty sure Tony would appreciate not having his car stolen while under the care of a teenager. He waited until the group had gotten in to introduce himself to the newcomer. 

"Hey, MJ, good to see you," he said in his best sweet-Southern-boy drawl. "And you must be our other guest," he said, turning to the other girl in the backseat. He extended his hand and the girl shook it politely. 

"My name is Shuri," she said. 

"Nice to meet you, I'm Harley." He turned back around and shifted the car into drive. Everything about the girl was vaguely familiar, from her name to her accent. Between the driving and the attempt to remember who the girl was, Harley missed the point where the two girls in the back started holding hands and leaning on each other. 

"We're here," announced Peter. He jumped out to open the door for Shuri, but MJ had already beaten him to the punch. 

"Shall we?" asked Shuri, holding out an arm. 

"My pleasure, Your Highness," replied MJ. They strolled off toward the restaurant. 

Harley looked at Peter. "Your Highness?" he repeated softly. "What the fuck?" 

"So I might've forgotten to fill you in," said Peter sheepishly. 

* * *

The dinner started pleasantly, if a little awkward. Harley had no idea how to act around a capital-P Princess, so he mostly just stared at the menu and his water glass. Nevermind the fact that MJ and Shuri had commandeered one half of the four-person table, and they acted very much like a couple and not just a pair of friends. 

_I am in over my head._

Peter, for his credit, was doing a much better job of acting like nothing was wrong. He chatted lightly about whatever came to mind. Harley learned that Shuri ( _Princess Shuri, as in a fucking royal_ ) was yet another young genius. Apparently she was the head of technology development for her entire country. In Harley's defense, he had never actually heard of Wakanda, since Rose Hill was by-and-large a backwoods shithole that didn't believe in black people.

He was doing his best. Harley's well-mannered Southern boy training let him skate by with a lot of things. However, it did not cover how to react when your friend's newly realized girlfriend, who is a princess, asks you when you and your totally-platonic best friend started dating. 

"I'm sorry, what?" he managed. 

"She wants to know when you and Peter started dating," MJ reiterated. 

"Yeah, I, uh, got that part. We're not actually a couple, though, so I just don't know why you would want to ask that?" he said, raising his voice a full octave by the end of the sentence. Why was his heart beating faster? There was nothing weird going on. Except for the previously-agreed-upon weirdness, but that didn't get him on edge like this line of questioning was somehow managing to do. 

"Well, Peter invited us on a double date, and a double date is two couples, is it not? Then if Michelle and I are one of those couples, logic follows that you and Peter were as well. I am sorry if I assumed wrong, Harley," she said. But her cheeky smile implied she really wasn't sorry at all. 

Harley just blinked at her, unable to process the thought that he and Peter might accidentally be dating. Even weirder was the feeling in the pit of his stomach that maybe, just maybe, Harley wanted to, but no. NO! Harley's brain was not going to go there. Except it was, and oh god now he was staring, and holy shit he might be about to throw up.

_God, feelings are hard._

"Hey, do you mind if Harley and I go chat for a second? Thanks," said Peter quickly, pulling him out of his chair. Harley, still dazed from the insane things that had happened, just went along with it. Peter found an empty spot on the outside wall and pulled Harley into the shadow. "Hey, I'm so so sorry about that, I didn't think they would make assumptions, and I know Shuri is smarter than that, she's just kind of an asshole sometimes, but hey aren't we all? Anyway, I knew her and MJ had a thing, but I really didn't think Michelle would do that to us, cause she's supposed to be our friend. And friends aren't dicks for no reason," Peter stated. 

Harley looked at Peter while completely failing to process a word he was saying. All he saw was his friend, backlit by shitty Italian restaurant lighting, light shining through the edges of his curly hair. He looked into deep brown eyes that held just as much panic as Harley's own body did. 

As it happens, fear and love have the same physical effects. Harley knew that, but feeling it was really something else. He looked at his friend, then took a single steadying breath. "Peter," he said. 

"What's going on?" asked Peter. "You're seriously starting to freak me out here. Are you okay?" 

" _Peter_ ," he said again, and held his beautiful face in his hands, and kissed him, and it was everything Harley had imagined in the twenty seconds leading up to the decision. 

His mind finally caught up with his body and Harley dropped like a rock. 

"Holy shit, Harley," Peter said, falling to his knees to join him. 

"Fuck," said Harley. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry, I don't know what I was thinking, I just did it and then I realized what I was doing and oh my god you must hate me now," Harley gasped. He took a breath - at least some part of him was functioning - and suddenly Peter was kissing him again. He panicked again, but no, now Peter was the one holding his face, and holy shit that was nice. 

They broke apart again, less dramatically. "Wow," said Peter. 

"Yeah," agreed Harley. 

They sat there for a moment, frozen in uncertainty.

Harley still had to breathe. He inhaled, then exhaled. Simple. Calming. 

"I'd like to try that again," he said. 

Peter just looked at him, eyes full of things Harley couldn't have named if he wanted to. But he understood. 

"Can I kiss you, Peter Parker?" 

Peter's face broke into the widest grin Harley had ever seen. 

"I thought you'd never ask." 

* * *

"Finally," MJ said as they watched the restaurant's hacked security feed on Shuri's phone. "It's only taken them eight months." 

"You still owe Ned fifty dollars," Shuri reminded. 

"No, that part was your idea. You pay him." 

"Careful what you say, or I'll start thinking you're dating me for my money." 

MJ snorted. "Sure, that's the only reason. It couldn't be your beauty, or your mind, or your frankly unnatural talent with your hands, or -" 

"That's enough," Shuri cut off. She paused, then burst into laughter. 

"Will all your meals be on the same check?" interrupted their longsuffering waitress. She looked at the abandoned plates on one side of the table, and the Wakandan and American pair on the other. 

"I'll get it," they said together. 

**Author's Note:**

> This... went longer than I intended. It started as a fluffy little story about a misunderstanding and turned into kind of a character study in Peter Parker's deepest subconscious. Sorry bout that, y'all.
> 
> Also, just sayin, my therapist would have a field day with Peter's little "taking stressful calls while dressed up and fighting crime" thing. 
> 
> Hope y'all enjoyed this! I wrote it in one night and did no editing. Please comment and let me know if there's any glaring errors, if I massively mischaracterized someone, or if you just want to chat! I appreciate all the feedback :)


End file.
